Reflections.

I had posted the last posting over a year ago, and hadn't really thought about posting more for quite a while. I still visit on line Men In Panties sites and continue to read stories and articles. I've always done that for two reasons: erotic stimulation; and a desire to learn more about me and my love of lingerie. I've long since given up considering it "my perversion" as I once thought it to be. It is a part of me that I'm not interested in giving up -- if in fact giving up were even possible. I am a recovering alcoholic and I'm not sure if my connection to all things soft and slinky is like an addiction that I could learn to abstain from, or if it is just a "preference" in my system. I use preference here in the context of "sexual preference" be that heterosexual, homosexual, asexual or bisexual. Those things are part of our hard wiring and our life "BIOS". They are not addictions and are not easily changeable. Our sexual preferences and turn ons are no doubt influenced by circumstances in our lives and yet they are unique to an individual. There has to be something that makes one person react one way to a particular circumstance, and the next person to react entirely differently. That generalization applies whether I'm talking about health issues, sexual preferences, or reactions to stimuli. Why does one person living in a particular place develop allergies while siblings do not? Why do I react sexually to silk and satin while siblings do not? My siblings share my genetic makeup and we grew up in the same situation exactly -- yet our physical, emotional and sexual growth led us in very different directions.

I came back to this blog today for a couple of reasons. In the last few weeks I've had a resurgence of my sexual urges to connect with my love of lingerie. Perhaps it is "Spring Fever" -- who knows. A combination of that resurgence, and some conversations with a couple female friends has added some "pieces to my puzzle" as I work toward understanding myself.

The subject of my 24/7 panty wearing came up in an Internet chat with a friend. That person accepted my interest as being part of me and was curious enough to want to see what I looked like in my lingerie. She saw the picture from this blog and said something about how it looked good. She went on to say that my lingerie would take away from her image of masculinity and would diminish rather than enhance her arousal if she encountered a lover in lingerie. That is a perfectly reasonable and honest response. Our conversation was not one of seduction, it was one of understanding who each of us were. Her response did hit at something deep inside me, and as I reflected on our conversation later, I re-read my earlier posts on this blog. I felt a need to put some comments here to help me sort out a bit more of myself. In my reading of web sites, magazine articles and other information about crossdressing, I've seen the full spectrum of how my interest is manifested in others. The stereotype given by the media may be that crossdressing males are all homosexual and submissive. That is anything but accurate. The heterosexual (straight) male is the largest percentage of the whole male population, and correspondingly the straight males who crossdress are the largest percentage of crossdressing males. The percentages track almost exactly. So there are the same percentage of dominant straight crossdressing males in the crossdressing sample as there are dominant straight males in the general population. There are the same percentage of submissive gay males in the cross dressing sample as there are submissive gay males in the general population. All of that reflection led me to ask who I was within the spectrum of my sexuality.
That reflection is in the following post entitled "Who Am I?"